How are we as Christians suppose to comfort fellow Christians who have a loved one who is dying/has died who is NOT a Christian? We can't say the usual, "He's in a better place" or "Soon his suffering will be over". We can't say, "You'll see her again one day." We can't comfort them with the thoughts of their loved one being in the presence of Jesus.
What are we suppose to say that will provide comfort? I haven't a clue. And that is the situation that I am currently facing.
Any thoughts, words of wisdom, or advice?
I'd like to post this anonymously because I expect to be chastised, corrected and maybe threatened....
ReplyDeleteI believe that God is a benevolent, merciful God. I believe that there is room at the table for everyone, I believe that we are going to be surprised at who is already at the table when we arrive, I believe that the folks in the Old Testament are in heaven, the ones who lived "before" Christ, I believe in the beatitudes that the poverty stricken will be blessed and included, yes, the very ones who have yet to hear the word of God here on earth, I believe the love of God and his son Jesus are greater than our human minds can comprehend and that because of them there is hope, eternal hope for all.
My hubby, the hospice chaplain, says that we have to believe that what God does is right and what God does is just. I don't know how much comfort that provides to people though. My only words I can offer are that only God knows the heart of man--we may think we do, but we don't. In the end, it is all up to Him. And yes, I agree that we will be surprised by who is in Heaven one day! Thanks for the comment. :)
ReplyDeleteI think we will ALL be surprised by who is in Heaven when we get there. We can't be the judge of who goes and who doesn't. I too believe God is merciful and loving...even to the non-Christians.
ReplyDeleteSorry guys I can't agree with you all on this one. God is just and he gives us free will to accept him, if man chooses to reject him I don't see God forcing him into heaven. With that said God knows the heart and he is the final judge.
ReplyDeleteI think you can be genuine and say you are sorry for their loss, time will make it easier, remember the good times, he is no longer fighting cancer or whatever the illness was.
I'd say before you give someone false hope by saying they see each other again or any of those other things then just don't say anything at all. People dieing outside of Christ is a sad reminder that our jobs as Christians are far from over and we should be about our Fathers business with that much more urgency.
Laura, If I had a loved one who was a non-christian, I think your words would comfort me. I have had friends who have lost loved ones who were not saved and they want to believe more than anything that their loved one is in heaven. Your words give them hope of that possibility. The truth is, I have never lost a loved one who didn't love Jesus. All four times that I have watched a loved one breath their last breath, indescribable peace accompanied the passing. I think it's important to add that there is a lot more to our God than only love and mercy. It feels good to leave the rest out, but our God is also a just God and I think we would be more surprised by who ISN'T in heaven when we get there. But that isn't a topic to be discussed with those who have recently lost a unsaved loved one. It's just too painful for most to deal with after a recent loss.
ReplyDeleteExie--my head agrees with you 100%. My heart struggles though when I am in that moment. I never give anyone false hope which is why for this case I struggled with what to say. It is SO difficult.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ann for your comment. I agree that we will too be surprised by who ISN'T in Heaven.
I found your blog by typing in the keywords "What to say when a non-Christian dies". I am facing this situation today, and I don't want to avoid or offend...but I can't lie or give false hope. I agree with Exie also, but my heart feels so desperately burdened for the family. It's a senseless tragedy to die without knowing Christ.
ReplyDelete@Mamosa...I am so sorry you are facing a situation like this. I have learned a lot about comforting families through my job with hospice. The hospice physician that I work with is a Christian and is so good at finding just the right words to say to family members. At the bedside of a non-responsive patient last week, he comforted the wife by saying that we don't know the conversations that play out in people's minds as they are dying. We don't know if that person is asking for forgiveness, if he/she is talking with God, etc.
ReplyDeleteWhile we can't pray someone into Heaven, we can pray over them as they are dying and pray that they somehow in some level of consciousness are making things right with the Lord. Do I believe in death bed confessions...well, it depends on the situation. But I know I do believe in a God who loves every person on this earth and longs for every soul to cry out to Him. We can only take comfort in knowing that God is just and what He does is always right.
Praying for you as you get through this difficult time!